Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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