The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
