Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You can't special order awesome
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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