the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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