Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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