Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
