mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize