you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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