I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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