in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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