whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menโs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iโm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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