shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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