i will never coherently bang her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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