I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
