so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
