Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
