Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize