So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
