Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
