My sheets look like a crime scene.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
