You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
