Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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