Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
