Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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