I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
