Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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