I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
