I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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