my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
