WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
