It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
