Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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