Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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