Need sex. Gaining weight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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