She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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