Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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