It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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