just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
