I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
