Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

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(707): View more from California

He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

(773): View more from Illinois

SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

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(716): View more from New York

We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.

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(805): View more from California

I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.

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(720): View more from Colorado

You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Thanks, mom.

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