dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize