im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
