If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
