god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
