some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
