I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
