Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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