So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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