just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
