another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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