yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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