the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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