I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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