I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
