As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize