ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
