we're blogging at a bar
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
