At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
