i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
