he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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