Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
