idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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