Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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