I can tuck mytits in my pants
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
