I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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