Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it's like heaven, but drunker
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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