Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
