God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
